“Trapped under the weight of a false accusation, I've done a lot of thinking about the kind of Girl I want to be from now on. I'd like to be the kind who does what she says she's going to do.”

If you’re following me on twitter @itsannrivera then you’d probably have an idea where I got this quote from. One of the few things that I like about being unemployed is that deadlines are the least of my worries. I have all the time in the world so I’ve spent my weeks watching TV series such as The Lying Game, Pretty Little Liars, Once Upon a Time and recently Gossip Girl season 5. But as far as I know myself, I have so many things in mind. Things that I wanted to accomplish, do and experience. Apparently, it’s a whole bunch of stuffs that I don't even know where and how to start because one single thing is holding me back. RESOURCES and you know what I mean.

I’ve never been completely honest to myself. Two years ago I promised to help my family financially; somehow I may have forgotten that promise because after my graduation all I was thinking was living on my own and shopping. I get I wanted but I never thought that I completely turned into something which I’m not proud of. I’ve been selfish, I never cared about my family maybe I did but it was nothing compared to what they’ve shown me. It pains me so much that it takes one life for me to realize all of this.

With the loss of my grandfather I am in the point of my life where I am eagerly to begin anew.  So I plan to move again from Cebu to Manila. But as months go by I am continuously stuck in the place of boredom and unproductiveness. My life currently runs in an endless routine and everyday I feel hopeless and left out. I already am having second thoughts of moving to a bigger City. I now have doubts. They tell me things will fall in to their right places and that GOD HAS BIG PLANS IN STORE FOR ME. Will the world give me a chance to do the things and experience the things I've been meaning to do? Or I just have to impatiently wait for my turn and watch other people have it with a breeze? But after reading the quote it’s as if reality slapped me in the face so hard and it’s hard to shake the pain off my mind. I will never be able to get what I really want unless I do something about it. I have to make some risk, there’s no turning back now. I am ready.

xx,Ann